tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90885218384170140242024-02-07T19:39:08.976-06:00whatever escapes my mindjared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.comBlogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-88665930187473343582012-11-18T21:48:00.004-06:002012-11-18T21:48:49.604-06:00PAD challenge day 18<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
<b style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Before it is
Too Late</b></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Rest your
weary arm,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">the machine
will wait awhile;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">think past
yourself, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">to your
children,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">and the way you
leave them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Indulge not
in worldly delight,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">but lay your
soul bare<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">to reason,
exposed to doubt,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">free from
the night,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">clothed in
sunlight<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">See the
world<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">through
youthful eyes,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">with hope
and wonder,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">where choice
still exists.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Open the
door for better-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">leave them
with something<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">more than
your sentence;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">a slave to desire,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">forever
hunting,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">restless in
wanting<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Your
weathered body,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">your
tortured mind,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">are relics
of a society<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">determined by
this moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Prepare for
their future,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">for their
future is near;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">do not condemn
them<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">to your life<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">living
without cheer,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">dying of
fear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Give them
wisdom<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">of your
mistakes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Whether they
take it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">is not your
concern,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">only that
your faults<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">survive to
inspire<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">a new
generation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">evaluating
how you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">chased shades
of desire,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">changed
shapes of an empire<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
</div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
<span style="font-family: Century Gothic, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">a prompt from <a href="http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/2012-november-pad-chapbook-challenge-day-18#comment-2572731">Robert Lee Brewer's Poem-A-Day</a> challenge. had to write a glosa which is 4 ten-line stanzas, lines 6,9,10 rhyming, and each ending with a consecutive line from a four-line poem [excerpt]. was difficult and took a while, but happy with the result.</span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">‘Clothed in sunlight<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">restless in wanting<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">dying of fear<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Changed shapes of an empire’<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">from “Lamerica” by Jim Morriso</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">n</span></span></div>
<br />
jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-5725623716260909162012-11-14T21:56:00.002-06:002012-11-14T21:57:51.639-06:00off the benchNot sure I could give one specific reason why I have been absent for so long; maybe I needed to stay in my head and focus on other things for a while.<br />
<br />
My post a few days ago was more convenience than intention; needed to post that poem somewhere. Not sure that I planned to resume this blog just yet, though I had thought about it recently.<br />
<br />
I have been writing after a short time away, putting a pen to paper one day with no real plan, just a thought and a beat. I had not felt them same urge to blog until this evening, and mostly because of last night. Finally made it to an intramural soccer game with fellow CEEP (more on this later)members, known as the Treehuggers. Been a long while since I played and realized after that, though I knew what I was missing, how I valued those things was somewhat lost.<br />
<br />
Maybe the same is true for blogging. I will give it an honest effort and see what happens.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-10895697166371060382012-11-11T08:11:00.002-06:002012-11-11T08:14:12.903-06:00PAD challenge day 11Wrote this Robert Brewer's Poetic Asides poem a day challenge. Could not post there; glad I still have the blog.<br />
<br />
Prompt is to write a poem from the perspective of a soldier.<br />
<br />
A New Objective<br />
<br />
The War changed me;<br />
It changed us all.<br />
I left to fight a foreign monster,<br />
But we were commended<br />
For defeating a national depression<br />
Long after or return.<br />
As we prepared for the trenches<br />
Of Korea and Nam<br />
(Conveniently in the trough),<br />
The same hopes hung<br />
On the thousands of waving hands;<br />
The same hands that bought<br />
Into this mess, but not into the War,<br />
That bought and sold the guns,<br />
But never had to fire a shot.<br />
And on or return,<br />
There were no galas,<br />
No parades for our sacrifice<br />
During these conflicts-<br />
It cost too much.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-58183069119152251852010-05-01T12:36:00.003-05:002010-05-01T12:53:20.494-05:00thumbs in the animal kingdomi wonder which animal would most benefit from opposable thumbs. i got lost thinking about all animals, so i narrowed it down to animals with four legs (because animals with six are set, and usually have wings as well, and eight-legged animals creep me out).<br /><br />my dog was lying next to me on the floor, so i thought, 'why not dogs?' but then he started licking himself, and i thought, 'nah...he's good.' bigt cats seem to get along well enough without them (leopards can carry twice their body weight into a tree with their mouth); house cats are devious enough without them. most animals that spend some time on two legs (like kangaroos) have semi-opposable thumbs. primates have opposable thumbs on hands and feet. alligators and bears are scary enough, and at the top of the food chain. penguins' only real danger is in the water, where thumbs don't do much good. most reptiles can carry/climb/hunt/defend with their mouths, poison and hands and feets without opposable thumbs.<br /><br />the more i think about it, the more i can see most animals not only without benefit, but maybe at a disadvantage if given opposable thumbs. they kind of stick out from the hand like a ...nah, i won't go there. but i jam mine all the time, and get it hung on stuff, and roll on it, and then i'm somewhat incapacitated without it. right now i have a chunk of skin missing from my sprained left thumb (indoor soccer and frisbee), and a cut on my jammed right thumb (dinner and bjj), and that made breakfast difficult to eat this morning. and that's not being clumsy, just athletic (except for the cut, but sometimes my kitchen is a war zone while cooking dinner). and think...a lot of animals that you think might benefit from opposable thumbs are really clumsy. they don't need that extra opportunity for injury in their lives.<br /><br />what i need to find is a truly pathetic, somewhat helpless, although coordinated enough to handle a semi-vulnerable appendage that can actually benefit from its many gifts without being dependent to the point of total incapacitation if and when the thumb becomes the subject of injury. any suggestions?<br /><br />also, cocoa krispies makes awesome chocolate milk.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-52253367669009611302010-03-26T11:15:00.002-05:002010-03-26T11:34:11.247-05:00bjj vs cereali was supposed to sit in on two bjj private lessons this morning, but both cancelled (no one told me until ten minutes until each lesson) and i am stuck without the motivation to get my physical activity in another way. so instead, i'm going to eat a box of cereal. but not just a box of cereal...i will eat the equivalent of one box of cereal (12-16 ounces) of every kind of cereal i have: honey combs, smacks, and fiber one honey clusters, in that order. this would have been more exciting a few days ago before i ran out of multi-grain cheerios and total; maybe next time.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-35794294368437613522009-12-29T23:22:00.001-06:002009-12-29T23:22:19.727-06:00...whateverjared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-35532760188803447792009-11-15T23:07:00.002-06:002009-11-15T23:09:51.061-06:00hiccuppingi have been hiccupping for four to six hours straight two nights in a row. hiccups are annoying. my throat is tiredsore. now hiccups hurt. lame.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-720250353581062822009-11-02T11:55:00.002-06:002009-11-02T12:05:27.193-06:00poem a day challengei participated in Robert Lee Brewer's PAD Challenge last November, and i'm thinking about doing it again this year. it started yesterday, open to all people, and he's very flexible on dates and participation, with only a final deadline for the month's submissions, and another for the optional chapbook. the only thing holding me back is a theme. it's not necessary, but i like the focus and challenge of trying to write thirty poems about the same subject; and i enjoy seeing the variety of poetry that comes from the different prompts.<br /><br />so a theme. no idea. last year i jumped in the first day without a clue, but a theme emerged in the first few lines of my poem. 'fear' was a great theme for me, but this year i'm blanking out. i could take the first prompt anywhere, and the second, but for now they don't seem to intersect. i contemplated 'oilfield' or 'numb' or 'letting go'...but i'm done with the oilfield (mentally a few months ago, physically in a few weeks) and 'letting go' is far from consistent. i haven't felt much of anything lately, not strongly or for very long, so numb is the current favorite. but if the first two prompts are any indication, it could be a rough month trying to write around that subject. i might enjoy the challenge, but if nothing comes i won't write anything. i hate forcing poetry. luckily i can submit a few days at a time, so i might just play around with some more ideas for a few days before i decide.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-72561937061533792942009-10-20T17:43:00.002-05:002009-10-20T17:44:39.815-05:00egg nognormally overlapping holidays upsets me...but today, two weeks before halloween, i saw the first egg nog of the season. most excellent.<br /><br />and then joe and i split a quart of egg nog. that was kinda gross.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-11125362654888395972009-10-07T23:25:00.002-05:002009-10-08T00:39:56.196-05:00"hey, you made me think of this"i am considering giving a copy of any poem/story i write about or inspired by someone to that person. i do not see it as a matter of fairness or deserving...i just feel they should have it.<br /><br />However, there are some problems. i would want to include everything i write...or at least complete (for reasons to be explained later). Should i include the randoms that inspire me? they are often gone before i even begin writing, but what if they are still around? i want to avoid getting tased approaching a stranger. And what about the people with whom i no longer communicate. there are reasons for that. good reasons. or at least there are now. this project is not a sufficient excuse to try to bridge [most] of those one-time friend/relationships.<br /><br />And there are more. My writings could be interpreted poorly. Some are not the nicest bits of writing. Some are mean. Some are angry. Some are passionate. All are my feelings (or my attempt to relate/understand a feeling i have never felt) but they do not necessarily represent how i feel beyond a moments wonder. i would not want someone to feel awkward around me because they think the writing a ballad of hatred/infatuation/apathy etc...<br /><br />Some people will not care and some will not appreciate them. not the quality, i could care less what people think there. But the content...for my efforts to reach out, to include them in something important to me. that might hurt if we are friends. the ones i am not so familiar with will probably think i am creepy. even some i know might think that way. i have never been creepy; not sure how i feel about/would handle that. then there are the people who just do not like or understand poetry. Would i have to explain? Should i? Would they be open to the idea, or is the form itself so odious as to discount the conent?<br /><br />i can only think of one reason to go through with my idea: i want to. i have never shared my writing (i.e. myself) on such a personal level beyond a few isolated incidents. i have never felt a huge desire for it...i am shy, a little apathetic and content writing for myself. And although the times i have shared i enjoyed the experience, those have been with a very few close friends, and it was sharing, not just me handing out words on paper and saying "you made me think of this." i also have some concerns about how my friends and other recipients might handle my writings. i am past the creepy thing, but i do not want to offend a friend because they misinterpret how i came to write these words. i am not sure they would be able to make the connection between themselves and whatever i put to paper. not saying this in a degrading way; i can hardly follow my own thought process, i think it a little much to expect of anyone else.<br /><br />i really do not want to bother anyone. And this seems a wholly selfish idea to involve people (most of whom i care about to varying degrees) in an endeavor that appears to serve them with nothing more than a bit of nuissance and confusion. but thinking this is exactly why i want to share the writings without prejudice: to break free from the worry/fear that frustrates pieces of my life. i have always kept my feelings inside, and the more i feel the tighter and deeper it is held. but there are a couple recent instances where i have let go and opened myself up to other people. it was an experience...not entirely unpleasant, and although it freaks me out a bit, i feel better afterward.<br /><br />letting go the things i hold closest--my fears, hopes and regrets--allows me to enjoy life without thinking so much. once i put something on paper, the worry that fades is tangible, and the calm i feel inside matches the calm i have outside. letting people in feels like that, but with a vulnerability that brings me closer to myself and closer to those people i care about.<br /><br />still not sure if i will go through with my thoughts...jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-58836565901656399882009-10-03T19:31:00.002-05:002009-10-03T20:16:19.561-05:00Memories of HerSmall circles swirl<br />Expanding forever outward<br />Held close but losing focus<br />And farther from the past<br />In a clandestine dance<br />Like the galaxies<br />Hidden in plain sight<br />Among the starry sky<br />Seen only in contrast<br />Though rarely exposed<br />Mingling with one another<br />In one way conversations<br />Of rippling space and diluted light<br />Tossing their eternal farewells<br />Out into the endless nature<br />Of possibilityjared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-16211430539621222702009-10-02T11:05:00.003-05:002009-10-02T11:09:44.690-05:00perfect morningtoday is the first perfect morning of the north texas fall. must have been high sixties, clear skies and still a little damp from last night's rain storm. days like this make me happy, for a few minutes at least, regardless of whatever else is happening in my life. everyone enjoy...jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-28836608183101548472009-09-27T10:38:00.003-05:002009-09-27T10:49:55.134-05:00words cannot describe the feelingmy thoughts wander<br />through worry and elation<br />and the sensation of no regrets<br />addressing my fears and hopes<br />celebrating in life's simple joys<br />but always return to you<br />to wonder about yours<br />and wish we could share them<br />without speaking<br />our feelings unbridled by wordsjared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-71816039347668042292009-09-20T10:18:00.004-05:002009-10-11T21:22:28.942-05:00some mornings at workthe sky always seems bluer<br />the morning after working all night<br />and i wonder<br />is it just blue, or all colors<br />that find themselves more alive<br />when daylight peeks through the trees-<br />or am i still dreamingjared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-23897397705451738532009-09-12T21:51:00.004-05:002009-09-12T22:16:04.627-05:00horseshoe casinoconsidering my last post, i should be fair and say that my trip to the horseshoe was awesome. still disappointing, but awesome in ways i did not expect.<br /><div></div><div><br /></div><div>we got there sometime after dark last sunday. busier than i expected, but i guess monday was some holiday. at the entrance was an aston martin convertible to be given away later this month. aston martins are gorgeous...even if i don't like convertibles. the security check was a little harsh, but i'm used to that. then the walk to the main floor was down a hall with:</div><div> </div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380782317529360050" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUJH2OmFLAGrw9J4Scu-R81uhxai7PMzGTOuNIl8qhNyzfHsNtkBtQh6KAUbxvCotmO0Ig_jtiibu0ZhbJ3j-F8CXb4u9aCHKL5IisQbwCZuyQyHGD7iwP0P_obvUqTS7EYGH-RucBMlnU/s320/horseshoe+million+dollar+wall" /><br /><p> the million dollar wall</p><p>a wall of 10,000 one hundred dollar bills in sequencial order. yeah, it is as cool as it sounds.</p><p>onto the floor of the casino, there were machines surrounding tables games of all kinds. i sat down at a blackjack table, watched for a few minutes, then threw some money down to enter the game. i was only there about twenty minutes, won some money and took off. a great success. we decided that we would go to a pool bar and spend my winnings on a guys night out...</p><p>...but on the way, glory happened. after stepping off an escalator, my friend joe, messing around, held the rail for a second and the entire escalator stopped. he let go in a mock panic, but the escalator did not move. it had become stairs. sorry, patrons of the horseshoe casino, for the convenience. [r.i.p. mitch hedberg]</p><p>and as one final farewell from the place where paychecks are squandered, we passed by this thirty-something man with a budlight bottle in one hand on a cellphone saying, "look man, i was wondering if i could borrow some money..." with a rather hopeless look on his face.</p><p>mostly a great adventure, but i still didn't get a free drink, or any drink. next time though...</p>jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-88091392639659237572009-09-12T21:40:00.003-05:002009-09-12T21:51:13.476-05:00working in louisiannai've been working in shreveport, louisianna for almost two weeks. it's not my favorite place. and though there are some redeeming qualities, everything good about this town seems to have a downfall that makes the whole experience...less than what i would expect.<br /><br />bike trails--i bought a bike right before this job and, not wanting to wait to ride, brought it along. the trails here are great, but all next to bodies of slow moving water with extreme mosquito populations. and they're crazy hungry. oh, and gators. i see tracks and dens and dead animals all over the place. gators weren't so scary until i watched a discovery channel special on them and saw how fast they can move above ground. now they are up there behind bears, hornets and kiwi.<br /><br />bars--some of them stay open until 6 am, closing until 7 am for cleaning. sounds like a good thing? no. crappy people, crappy service and lots of smokers. really, non-smokers are the minority here. i can almost say that for the whole state.<br /><br />casinos--i was crazy excited for the casinos here. i'm not a gambler, not with money at least, but the idea of a casino intrigued me: free drinks while gambling, nickle slots, lots of drunk people making a fool out of themselves and people foolishly losing money they cannot afford to lose. fun times yeah? again, no. i did not get a single free drink while i was there. i couldn't even buy a drink because i couldn't find a bar. lame lame lame lame. and the nickel slots are a sham. one nickel per credit, but you have to play a minimum of thirty credits per pull. that's 1.50...do they think i'm an idiot? and there's no pulling either...it's all push-button electronical crap.<br /><br />this state offends me.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-12261558204462821052009-09-06T01:00:00.004-05:002009-09-07T00:21:09.771-05:00betrayala smile of disbelief<br />is the only reaction<br />to a conversation not meant for me<br />but the brief upturn does not last,<br />depressing, expressing my pain<br />as it slowly fades<br /><br />because even wincing a little more<br />as each word drives deeper,<br />riddling me with emptiness<br />and answers to questions<br />i never thought to ask,<br />i feel a calm embrace<br />and become a little more numbjared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-74514255148098775112009-09-04T22:43:00.002-05:002009-09-04T23:16:39.179-05:00end of a boycott?i swam twice this summer. once at <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">tyler's</span> house after i tackled <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">robbie</span> into the pool (might as well swim around a bit now that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> here) and once at <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">kat's</span> apartment. i wore whatever shorts i had on and whatever i borrowed from <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">robbie</span>, respectively. i own board shorts but i have no idea where to find them. and those situations weren't planned.<br /><br />walking through kohl's yesterday i saw some cool board shorts on sale, so i bought them. i realize my recent lack of pool <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">attendance</span> and the end of summer approaching but i was sold on the 'cool' and 'sale' parts. they're also very comfortable for the everyday (these and board shorts in general) and have pockets--two things i should have with me at all times (unless <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">laura's</span> around, then pockets are less the necessity). and who knows when <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">robbie</span> will dole out some payback.<br /><br />looking around the store, shorts and a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">fila</span> shirt in hand (also on sale, but even more awesome that they still make <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">fila</span>...who knew), my coworker randy asked why i was buying <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">nike</span> shorts. we had just been in a sports store, where he suggested a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">nike</span> shirt, and although it was a nice shirt, i refused because of my hatred for <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">nike</span>. well, more disapproval than raw hatred. he asked, and i explained that aside from a free <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">brazil</span> soccer jersey and a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">manchester</span> united jersey i bought at a game in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">seattle</span>, i own nothing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">nike</span>. i don't like their soccer shoes, and some of their other soccer equipment is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">shotty</span>, as is a lot of their advertising, and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> developed a distaste for the brand. he didn't get it. i had a hard time justifying my feelings beyond "i like some of their stuff, but it's <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-error">nike</span>, and i don't buy <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">nike</span>."<br /><br />back to kohl's, cool cheap shorts in hand, when <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-error">BAM</span>, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_22" class="blsp-spelling-error">nike</span> happens. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_23" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'd</span> already committed to the shorts, and this revelation made me rethink my feelings towards <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_24" class="blsp-spelling-error">nike</span>. why didn't i buy from them again? they have good equipment, comfortable apparel and quality training/sportswear. i just don't like their shoes. and really, their casual shoes are chill, just their soccer shoes. well, maybe all their cleated shoes bother me.<br /><br />i know i know, ridiculous. so i bought the shorts and i might be open to some of their other products (like the shirt randy showed me, and this sweet pair of kicks that are probably discontinued by now). i think i've reconciled my feelings...or at least forgotten the reasons they were there. either way i have some new shorts and more freedom (physically unrelated, the short have the inner swimming liner and are rather supportive without being too restrictive).jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-57046676579583398972009-08-23T16:31:00.002-05:002009-08-23T16:41:22.809-05:00generic food<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> been sampling generic food lately.<br /><br />growing up with access to farm fresh everything for most of my life made me apprehensive to grocery stores when i first started buying food. eventually, the need to eat (and love of food) prevailed and now grocery stores are my friends. i started buying what food looked good, and upon confirming at home, continued to buy the same brands. lately <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> decided that if ibuprofen is the same as motrin, maybe generic food is the same as name brands.<br /><br />sometimes that is true, sometimes that is a huge mistake. food is something i am not willing to sacrifice quality for quantity. i have time to shop for deals, or drive to a wal*mart or h-e-b for better prices on quality food. but if a generic is just as good, why not save some money.<br /><br />recently, i tried some wal*mart brand peanut butter i found in my cupboard when the jif ran out. i've been a jif kid all my life because that is what my parents always had around (adam's is better, but i can never find it). but i wanted a pb&j, so i tried the wal*mart stuff. disgusting. awful. i spit it out. now i know why my parents always had jif, despite generics of many other foods: you cannot mess with peanut butter. even some of the name brands are bad, and wal*mart destroyed a good product (and a potentially excellent sandwich).<br /><br />so i'm a little more cautious now, but i will continue experimenting with generics...albeit in smaller packages.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-80039227536751661182009-08-19T08:38:00.003-05:002009-08-19T08:49:50.446-05:00naga tournamentlast weekend was my first brazilian jiu-jitsu tournament. for more information on bjj, check out <a href="http://thoughtsfrom8to5.blogspot.com/">robbie's blog</a> for videos (mostly of moves he wants to try on me). it did not go well. i got injured in my first no-gi match, and pulled out of my gi division. most unfortunate. i'm still upset. that won't change for a while...probably december when the next naga (north american grappling association) tournament is held in dallas.<br /><br />on the plus side, that has motivated me to work harder and set tougher (and at times mostly ridicilous) goals. more updates on those later.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-83433204841536205222009-08-14T23:27:00.003-05:002009-08-19T16:11:18.592-05:00sleep deprivationIt's day time.<br />I'm not sure what day<br />But we're behind schedule<br />And it will be night soon,<br />Not that cycles<br />Of the sun and moon matter;<br />They happen so fast<br />My eyes cannot adjust,<br />Just register the change,<br />But that's enough<br />Considering how they shake<br />Trying to keep up with<br />Pieces of each<br />While I move in slow motion<br />Around this location where<br />Colors turn gray<br />And all sensations fade,<br />Replaced with scenes of<br />Yesterday and tomorrow<br />And like tripping on my own conscious<br />The comedown and high coincide<br />Constantly, for days sometimes,<br />Creating a three acre singularity,<br />Where even sleep<br />Is often just a dream,<br />Stealing my life<br />One week at a time<br />Before I realize<br />It might still be Monday<br />And maybe the last few days<br />Of hallucinating<br />Was really all in my head.jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-54267417845546298522009-07-31T12:49:00.002-05:002009-07-31T14:02:58.690-05:00in between dreamsin between dreams<br />of unpleasant things<br />i toss and turn<br />unsure whether<br />i am awake or asleep<br /><br />in between dreams<br />nonsense constantly<br />invades my conscious<br />and i cannot think<br />only feel the sheets<br />encasing my soul's screams<br /><br />in between dreams<br />they refuse to release<br />my weary mind<br />for a moments rest<br />holding me tightly<br />as a subverted being<br />the captive of my dreamsjared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-45059946143062876912009-07-23T19:15:00.002-05:002009-07-23T19:24:01.204-05:00brickyarda handful of houses<br />in pieces, in piles<br />different shades but all the same<br /><br />driveways and parkways<br />in snowflake flats<br />stacked no higher than a man stands<br /><br />a low steel fence<br />guards a gravel yard<br />where only dreams and memories remainjared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-72032654555309416392009-07-16T16:23:00.002-05:002009-07-16T16:29:11.380-05:00seeking asylumbleach white walls that always smell so<br />lab coats, pristine, no wrinkles, no odor<br />milk in a plastic cup<br />and precisely portioned food<br />on paper plates, the sturdy kind<br />but still no more than cardboard<br /><br />welcome to purgatory, for the insane<br />at least I've heard them say<br />this is our last chance to prove our worth<br />to the society that has already abandoned us<br />then banished us because we are different<br />or so they claim; i think we are the same<br />in my mind, we don't ignore<br />the voices, the sensations, the demons<br />or we can't, but is that so unnatural?<br /><br />and what if we succeed in denying our fears?<br />I don't expect acceptance if we return<br />like a stray dog that won't stay gone<br />does hallmark even make a<br />'congrats on being normal' card?<br />even recovered, people would always see<br />the invisible asterisk over my head<br /><br />I still don't understand why they need<br />a purgatory between two hellsjared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9088521838417014024.post-69295531000469220222009-07-14T21:33:00.002-05:002009-07-14T22:34:28.959-05:00senseless anticipationscreaming voices<br />cheered on by maleficent requiems<br />are not really there--<br />the sounds you hear<br />are just white noise,<br />but while you shudder<br />in the corner, remember,<br />the sound drowned out<br />by your silent plea<br />waits, patiently,<br />welcoming your cowardice<br />but offended by your reason,<br />getting angry thinking<br />its memory has been weakened<br />by tolerance, or disbelief--<br />the evils exists,<br />but have you forgotten?<br />you hide in the shadow of your fear<br />while your demons masquerade<br />as plagues of the senses,<br />cutting in<br />and fading out<br />but are not so easily escaped<br />because you are haunted by thoughts<br />of the future, afraid to see<br />where your decisions will lead,<br />but this is not allowed, so<br />close your eyes, tighter still,<br />so the light cannot shine through,<br />look ahead into your future,<br />now tell me, if words do not fail you,<br />what do you feel?jared davidavichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02233826756928553084noreply@blogger.com0