31 October 2008


i just cooked a turkey. butterball. i saw them at wal*mart on wednesday and thought, "yeah...turkey," so i bought one. i really like turkey. turkey sandwiches are my favorite. on rye. or not. wheat's cool too. the bread doesn't so much matter. as long as there's turkey. fresh turkey; not that pressed, preserved, water-added, pre-sliced delicatessen nonsense. i mean real turkey. the ones that come with the neck stuffed in the body and the guts (or in turkey speak, 'giblets') stuck in the neck cavity (who knows, maybe butterball's own little joke, i almost cooked them in there though, that would have ruined my weekend). on to the turkey.

happy halloween

(turkey not for trick-or-treaters...no treats or tricks this year, just a dark porch light and a sign that says "full size candy bars at apt. # 1011 (that's the lady who always wins the patio decorating contests. literally, every month she wins. and what does she get? 25$ off her next month's rent. i promise you her decorations cost more at least a bill every month...it makes no economic sense. she must get a kick out of the season. if that's the case, she should have the best candy too))

29 October 2008

Graduation Day

Black, white,
Day and night,
Now the stage is set
For the rest of your life.
And here,
The culmination
Of your adolescent years,
Is your first chance
To stand for yourself,
And draw more
Than a passing glance;
To cry out above
The crowded room
And show them
What you’re made of—
But as your echo replies,
You realize
The room is empty,
And finally see through
Their colorful lies.

20 june 2007

26 October 2008

360 degrees of up

something has always bothered me about space battles. i understand that the vacuum of space is not conducive to the theatrical intergalactic dogfights: no sounds, so the lasering and wooOOooo's are out; you can't maneuver like fighter jets without earth's atmosphere or an incredibly complex, ridiculously inefficient system of thrusters to operate star wars style; and no explosions--no oxygen means fiery balls of destruction are out. no, what really bothers me is that everyone is always facing each other on the same plane--as if they were adhering to the laws of some gravitational force below them. who says which way is up in space? there are potentially infinite choices of up and down, and everyone in the universe picks the exact same plane with which to stage their attacks and defenses (unless they are being chased, but then return to 'normal' up, but that's no different than barrel rolls and yawing in earth's atmosphere).
...really? i don't like it.

25 October 2008

misanthropic tendencies

Two friends of mine recently compared me to Hugh Grant in 'About A Boy' (mostly the beginning) and Emile Hirsch from 'Into The Wild' (until the last minute or so). I initially considered them compliments, although I sensed they were meant as accusations. Each statement was laced with sympathetic sarcasm, and it made me wonder, for half a second, if their 'concerns' were justified. So I watched both movies again and concluded about the same thing--still compliments--with an addition: I don't see solitude as a negative thing. Yes, movies romance the idea of interdependence on one another, often punishing a character for striking off on their own, and even going so far as to condemn isolation in character, setting and other thematic components. Why is the fear of a solitary prison so commonly projected onto those who embrace their seclusion? I understand that conformity calls to some as a vampire to it's victim; they are entranced by it. But when did accepting this life and spreading it become one? Are they linked? Is their happiness now interdependent on reception and reflection of societal expectations? I find the idea incredibly ironic. And I feel sorry for those who are trapped in that world.

24 October 2008

cheap clubs

so here are my new clubs...cheap clubs...my favorite. that's a full set of irons, a driver that mostly intimidates me, [finally] a decent putter, and a set of wedges that i may or may not use. all total, about 1200-1500 retail, 800 if they like you, and 350 if you skip over the salesmen and flirt with one of the supervisors. i chose the latter path. i'm pretty excited to hit with the irons, and my putting could sure use a club that weighs more in the head than the shaft. the driver though...it's just too big. it scares me. the wood i usually drive 210-230 with decent control is about one third the size; the driver i normally slice really bad or hook slightly (sometimes straight...about 240-280) is around half the size; this driver is 460cc with freakin' weights on it (two...silver means something, copper means something, it came with it's own tools...that's just too much, what happened to hitting a club with a ball...this was a lot simpler when the scots were in charge) and i will be able to slice (and likely hook) the ball farther than i can see. whatever. the rest i'm excited for, and a whole heap excited for the price. now robbie needs to finish his midterm so we can go lose some balls.

23 October 2008

the Absolution of Time

Time, like space, is both infinite and finite, depending on our perception. We can look at what is now and that is unambiguously finite; what is is, and what is not is not. But we cannot look behind or ahead and see what was or will be with any clarity because time, as the universe itself, is infinite—a concept of reality that we cannot every fully grasp until it becomes the finite now. We refer to time in its finite state as when—time is a measure of when; since when, until when, between when and when. When is how we break time into units measuring whats and wheres. We do have control over what (our actions), where (a finite unit of the infinite universe) and when the two converge; however, if nothing happens the action never exists, but the where and the when do. Where is precise space, and when is a precise time. We created where and when for our sake; time exists independent of labels and occurrences within itself. Our existence means as little to time as no existence--we are irrelevant to the concept that we call time.

And we call time relative? Relative to who? To what? Because we named ‘time,’ because we divided it, categorized it, supposedly gave it ‘purpose,’ we think time is relative to us? People are awed by ‘space’—the infinite unknown, but carry time with us as if we invented it. People concede that existence is bound by infinite space, finite at any one moment, labeled for a harmonious coexistence. But we are also bound by time because we cannot change how it affects and controls our existence. We can only divide it into seconds, minutes and hours, for the convenience of measurement, but that amount of time exists independently of any intelligent designation (and has, despite some current beliefs, through many ages and civilizations). When something happens, it happens at some time. Nothing is also an occurrence, which happens (or doesn’t happen, depending on perception) at some time. But do we acknowledge the time when nothing happens? Do we care? What of time when there is nothing? Before all we see here, long before, infinitely before, and infinitely after, time will still be, regardless of the infinite somethings and nothings.

We cannot change time, like we cannot change space; we may only choose what to do in the time and space allocated to us, but no act of man can change the design of space or time. And though we are granted choice within time and space, we do not enjoy a choice and consequence relationship with time itself. Time simply is, and we exist within the when between which our life begins and ends. And just as our physical existence is played out relative to infinite space, our lives exist relative to the absolution of time.

22 October 2008


most of the time i run, the world fades out a bit. not my senses, they are heightened if anything--not quite to superhero status, just more sensitive. smells, good or bad, are more potent; lights and darks are more vivid; pain is reduced; and it seems like i can separate sounds into different, distinguishable levels and categories. but thinking...thinking is something i sacrifice. and logic (not a big loss for me there). and formulating ideas. sometimes they come to me in streams of words, sometimes in jumbled images. and sometimes...rhinoceros.

today was one of those. i was at a decent pace, with two chicks running towards me on the same side of the road. as we approached one another, she yelled "why are you running so fast?"

i suddenly had this image of a story i read probably three or four years ago. two kenyans were two kilometers into a fifteen kilometer run. one of the two passed the other at an incredible pace for being just into the race. the slower man called up to his opponent and asked "why so fast?" to which the man turned and pointed behind them in response. the curious kenyan turned and saw a charging rhinoceros closing the gap between them. he immediately took off with all he had, and the rhino eventually abandoned his pursuit.

so i responed "rhinoceros." she stopped with a curious expression on her face. i stopped wondering why the hell i just said that.
she said "what?"
and i said "it's a short run today."
"oh, i thought you said rhinoceros."
"i did." you idiot. continuing with my run, i left her there, pondering of that ridiculous outburst. i was over it. i turned to look back and she and her companion had also resumed their morning run. but she too was looking back at me, smiling. it wasn't a 'who's that creepy rhino guy' smile, just a normal smile. as if she knew the story well or had just read it herself. or she didn't care. she was cute though, maybe i'll see her again.

21 October 2008


(really, after that last post you should have seen this coming). i don't think boredom is possible anymore; as long as you have the internet. i was poking around on msn and google this morning looking at the world around me--sports, politics, religion--and came across a list of 'where-are-they-now' internet stars of the last decade. do you remember 'ask a ninja' or 'the numa numa guy' or 'the evolution of dance?' i do, but i just spent about an hour looking into all that old razz and i'm not done yet. 'ask a ninja' has a book (that i just ordered), 'the evolution of dance' has me looking into you tube videos of michael jackson dance impersonators (boo creepy pop star, hooray thriller) and somehow i managed to dredge up homestarrunner.com. thank God i'm hungry with no food around, leaving for lunch may be the only thing that saves me from an internet-induced coma.

18 October 2008


i was 'let go' last night. which was my boss' sissy way of saying fired. he was staring at his desk all somber and remorseful...thank God, because i was smiling on the verge of laughing out loud. i already have a job elsewhere, and i gave my two weeks a few days ago, and asked for a raise (i knew they couldn't do it, but i figured i'd throw the ball in their court before i left, i'm done playing their games anway). so last night, he called me in and said he had to let me go because i've been talking to my old boss (with whom i have the new job) and that was a conflict of interest. well...no one else in the company sees it that way, they are in fact pissed at my until-last-night current boss. everyone except my current until-last-night-former soon-to-be-again boss. he laughed as hard as i did. to sum up...

bad things about me being fired:
one. have to move
two. a few weeks earlier than i would have preferred
three. i won't see some people as much as i would like
four. no more company truck, and i have to go buy a vehicle this weekend.
---that's it

good things about me being fired:
one. i'm already packed
two. i'm making a lot more money for working fewer hours and more days off
three. i'll still see those people (lunch with a few today, golfing this week with a few)
four. my new company is buying me a truck, whatever truck i want
five. it's with my old boss, and i get along better with him than anyone in this company
six. (sweet vengeance) all the customers and my old job will follow me to my new job, and that shop will likely shut down because my old boss and i will take all the work
seven. no longer on call every day all the time
eight. (punishment) to my old boss for being an idiot...he'll most likely be fired for driving off two of our field hands, firing me for no good reason, leaving my division of the shop without anyone to run it, running our shop into the ground (lousy numbers a few months in a row), bad decisions, and generally being a crazy dude.
nine. more time to blog, write, read...do whatever i want.

this was my plan, just a few weeks ahead of schedule, i couldn't be happier because this makes the break with my company all the easier. i'm not the bad guy for leaving (which was one of my few fears) and no bridges burned except that between my old boss and me. and i'm still smiling.