27 September 2009

words cannot describe the feeling

my thoughts wander
through worry and elation
and the sensation of no regrets
addressing my fears and hopes
celebrating in life's simple joys
but always return to you
to wonder about yours
and wish we could share them
without speaking
our feelings unbridled by words

20 September 2009

some mornings at work

the sky always seems bluer
the morning after working all night
and i wonder
is it just blue, or all colors
that find themselves more alive
when daylight peeks through the trees-
or am i still dreaming

12 September 2009

horseshoe casino

considering my last post, i should be fair and say that my trip to the horseshoe was awesome. still disappointing, but awesome in ways i did not expect.

we got there sometime after dark last sunday. busier than i expected, but i guess monday was some holiday. at the entrance was an aston martin convertible to be given away later this month. aston martins are gorgeous...even if i don't like convertibles. the security check was a little harsh, but i'm used to that. then the walk to the main floor was down a hall with:

the million dollar wall

a wall of 10,000 one hundred dollar bills in sequencial order. yeah, it is as cool as it sounds.

onto the floor of the casino, there were machines surrounding tables games of all kinds. i sat down at a blackjack table, watched for a few minutes, then threw some money down to enter the game. i was only there about twenty minutes, won some money and took off. a great success. we decided that we would go to a pool bar and spend my winnings on a guys night out...

...but on the way, glory happened. after stepping off an escalator, my friend joe, messing around, held the rail for a second and the entire escalator stopped. he let go in a mock panic, but the escalator did not move. it had become stairs. sorry, patrons of the horseshoe casino, for the convenience. [r.i.p. mitch hedberg]

and as one final farewell from the place where paychecks are squandered, we passed by this thirty-something man with a budlight bottle in one hand on a cellphone saying, "look man, i was wondering if i could borrow some money..." with a rather hopeless look on his face.

mostly a great adventure, but i still didn't get a free drink, or any drink. next time though...

working in louisianna

i've been working in shreveport, louisianna for almost two weeks. it's not my favorite place. and though there are some redeeming qualities, everything good about this town seems to have a downfall that makes the whole experience...less than what i would expect.

bike trails--i bought a bike right before this job and, not wanting to wait to ride, brought it along. the trails here are great, but all next to bodies of slow moving water with extreme mosquito populations. and they're crazy hungry. oh, and gators. i see tracks and dens and dead animals all over the place. gators weren't so scary until i watched a discovery channel special on them and saw how fast they can move above ground. now they are up there behind bears, hornets and kiwi.

bars--some of them stay open until 6 am, closing until 7 am for cleaning. sounds like a good thing? no. crappy people, crappy service and lots of smokers. really, non-smokers are the minority here. i can almost say that for the whole state.

casinos--i was crazy excited for the casinos here. i'm not a gambler, not with money at least, but the idea of a casino intrigued me: free drinks while gambling, nickle slots, lots of drunk people making a fool out of themselves and people foolishly losing money they cannot afford to lose. fun times yeah? again, no. i did not get a single free drink while i was there. i couldn't even buy a drink because i couldn't find a bar. lame lame lame lame. and the nickel slots are a sham. one nickel per credit, but you have to play a minimum of thirty credits per pull. that's 1.50...do they think i'm an idiot? and there's no pulling either...it's all push-button electronical crap.

this state offends me.

06 September 2009


a smile of disbelief
is the only reaction
to a conversation not meant for me
but the brief upturn does not last,
depressing, expressing my pain
as it slowly fades

because even wincing a little more
as each word drives deeper,
riddling me with emptiness
and answers to questions
i never thought to ask,
i feel a calm embrace
and become a little more numb

04 September 2009

end of a boycott?

i swam twice this summer. once at tyler's house after i tackled robbie into the pool (might as well swim around a bit now that i'm here) and once at kat's apartment. i wore whatever shorts i had on and whatever i borrowed from robbie, respectively. i own board shorts but i have no idea where to find them. and those situations weren't planned.

walking through kohl's yesterday i saw some cool board shorts on sale, so i bought them. i realize my recent lack of pool attendance and the end of summer approaching but i was sold on the 'cool' and 'sale' parts. they're also very comfortable for the everyday (these and board shorts in general) and have pockets--two things i should have with me at all times (unless laura's around, then pockets are less the necessity). and who knows when robbie will dole out some payback.

looking around the store, shorts and a fila shirt in hand (also on sale, but even more awesome that they still make fila...who knew), my coworker randy asked why i was buying nike shorts. we had just been in a sports store, where he suggested a nike shirt, and although it was a nice shirt, i refused because of my hatred for nike. well, more disapproval than raw hatred. he asked, and i explained that aside from a free brazil soccer jersey and a manchester united jersey i bought at a game in seattle, i own nothing nike. i don't like their soccer shoes, and some of their other soccer equipment is shotty, as is a lot of their advertising, and i've developed a distaste for the brand. he didn't get it. i had a hard time justifying my feelings beyond "i like some of their stuff, but it's nike, and i don't buy nike."

back to kohl's, cool cheap shorts in hand, when BAM, nike happens. i'd already committed to the shorts, and this revelation made me rethink my feelings towards nike. why didn't i buy from them again? they have good equipment, comfortable apparel and quality training/sportswear. i just don't like their shoes. and really, their casual shoes are chill, just their soccer shoes. well, maybe all their cleated shoes bother me.

i know i know, ridiculous. so i bought the shorts and i might be open to some of their other products (like the shirt randy showed me, and this sweet pair of kicks that are probably discontinued by now). i think i've reconciled my feelings...or at least forgotten the reasons they were there. either way i have some new shorts and more freedom (physically unrelated, the short have the inner swimming liner and are rather supportive without being too restrictive).