31 July 2009

in between dreams

in between dreams
of unpleasant things
i toss and turn
unsure whether
i am awake or asleep

in between dreams
nonsense constantly
invades my conscious
and i cannot think
only feel the sheets
encasing my soul's screams

in between dreams
they refuse to release
my weary mind
for a moments rest
holding me tightly
as a subverted being
the captive of my dreams

23 July 2009


a handful of houses
in pieces, in piles
different shades but all the same

driveways and parkways
in snowflake flats
stacked no higher than a man stands

a low steel fence
guards a gravel yard
where only dreams and memories remain

16 July 2009

seeking asylum

bleach white walls that always smell so
lab coats, pristine, no wrinkles, no odor
milk in a plastic cup
and precisely portioned food
on paper plates, the sturdy kind
but still no more than cardboard

welcome to purgatory, for the insane
at least I've heard them say
this is our last chance to prove our worth
to the society that has already abandoned us
then banished us because we are different
or so they claim; i think we are the same
in my mind, we don't ignore
the voices, the sensations, the demons
or we can't, but is that so unnatural?

and what if we succeed in denying our fears?
I don't expect acceptance if we return
like a stray dog that won't stay gone
does hallmark even make a
'congrats on being normal' card?
even recovered, people would always see
the invisible asterisk over my head

I still don't understand why they need
a purgatory between two hells

14 July 2009

senseless anticipation

screaming voices
cheered on by maleficent requiems
are not really there--
the sounds you hear
are just white noise,
but while you shudder
in the corner, remember,
the sound drowned out
by your silent plea
waits, patiently,
welcoming your cowardice
but offended by your reason,
getting angry thinking
its memory has been weakened
by tolerance, or disbelief--
the evils exists,
but have you forgotten?
you hide in the shadow of your fear
while your demons masquerade
as plagues of the senses,
cutting in
and fading out
but are not so easily escaped
because you are haunted by thoughts
of the future, afraid to see
where your decisions will lead,
but this is not allowed, so
close your eyes, tighter still,
so the light cannot shine through,
look ahead into your future,
now tell me, if words do not fail you,
what do you feel?

12 July 2009

happy dances

On days that may have started yesterday,
reasons to celebrate rarely show until tomorrow,
and no one feels like waiting.
We want to eat, to shower, to sleep,
not caring what order,
and we don't often get all three,
before the alarms bring our morning.
But before we can return,
we have one more run to complete,
and already prepared to leave,
we stand in a group
with nothing to keep us from falling asleep
but each other's company.
And when the last shots fire,
we can finally see the day's end,
and cannot help but feel relieved
for a few blissful moments.
And before that feeling passes,
we celebrate in shared delirium
with our happy dances.

10 July 2009

a pile of advice

wrote this in march, thought i posted it then. i didn't

never stop
running, stop,
and roll, stop
before you cross
the railroad,
do not lose control,
let go,
never apologize for how you feel
or for what is real,
do not be afraid to unseal
your emotion, or go
swimming after
you eat, laughter--
not aloud
at a crowd
of elderly croquet
players, a bouquet
of roses is never enough,
but a start, sort of,
not crying does not mean tough,
ask, it is rude to demand,
hold my hand,
now hold her hand,
for what you believe,
it is best to give and receive,
share yourself
with someone else,
offer help
more often than you take it,
cherish your childhood, save it
in a safe place,
but it if you break it,
fix only what is broken,
never turn down a token
of appreciation,
or any reason for celebration,
attend at least one public demonstration,
every once in a while
do not give your child
a ridiculous name,
embrace change,
forgive, forget, skip blame,
you will have regrets,
but only one set
of eyes, ears and teeth,
treat each
like medicine does not exist,
temptation to be
anything but what you see
in the mirror,
whether for fear or
and when you see things clearer
pass some of this on--
knowledge must
never stop.

05 July 2009

I question your faith:

Not in what matter you have it,
But what manner;
I don’t question your choice,
But the consequences;
Not your acceptance,
But your intolerance;
Not your conviction,
But your hipocrisy;
Not your mission,
But your means;
Not your humility,
But your pride;
Not the life you lead,
But how you lead it;
And I don’t question your beliefs,
But that you have them,
In place of logic and reason,
And not in addition.

Because you believe
And condemn without question,
I question your faith.